SLASH!
by Sisyphean Slash
Summary: This is a collection of all the pairings you've never seen and probably never want to, done by five very sick minded people : lol
1. Foreword

Foreword

Okay, hello everyone

This fanfic is a compendium of all the slashes or pairings that have never been written before and you'll probably wish they hadn't after you read them. They are written by me and three of my friends who also have their own accounts so they are on this account's favourite authors if you want to read other stories.

This is a forewarning letting you know that these stories will be graphic in nature

Disclaimer:

We do not own anything related to Harry Potter! It is all property of Warner and J.K.Rowling; these stories are for the fun and enjoyment of all.

Thanx heaps for choosing to read our Slash Compendium 

Shane, LamaPye, Melodica and Elicia


	2. Yes Sir! by LamaPye

1Yes Sir!  
By LamaPie

_So this is my first chapter in this series. If you have a request for an odd slash pairing please tell us! These are not meant to be taken seriously, there meant to be amusing.  
_  
_WARNING!: Dumbledore/House Elf!!! Read at your own risk. You have been warned_.

The old wooden bed creaked as the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry settled in for a night of peaceful rest. It had been a long time since Dumbledore had felt this carefree and he was going to make the most of it. With his favorite night attire hanging from his slightly round body, Dumbledore took one final contented sigh before letting his mind slip into the black abyss of sleep.  
He was woken some three hours latter by the sound of movement in his room. Living through not one but three wars made Dumbledore a natural light sleeper, so when the sound of some unknown object assaulted his ears, his natural reaction was to grabs his wand and fire at the sound origins. This very tactic had cost him many valuable objects, but he was a Gryffindor: shoot first, ask questions later.  
This is exactly what he did.

'Immobulus!' Dumbledore shout, flicking his wand which he had grabbed from the table beside him.

The spell lit up the dark room before rapping itself around an unsuspecting house elf. Instantly the poor critter was frozen to the spot, shock and fear evident on its tiny face.

'Oh bugger.' sigh the headmaster, realising his intruder was nothing more than a common house elf. 'Finite Incantatem.' he muttered, releasing the elf from the spell.

'I is been so sorry sirs.' the elf rushed to apologies. 'Mikki was cleaning sirs room sirs, he no meaning to wake sirs.' the elf continued.  
'Mikki…' Dumbledore began only to be cut off by the hypo little elf.

'Please don't be sending Mikki away, Mikki tries to be a good elf, Mikki does. Please sirs, don't send Mikki away!' the elf begged, throwing himself into Dumbledore's lap. The elf continued to beg with Dumbledore, squirming around in the elderly wizards lap.  
He pleas feel on deaf ears.

It had been many years since Dumbledore had had any type of sexual action, but even a man of one hundred and forty-one years couldn't help be feel aroused having something squirming on his lap, unknowingly rubbing against the older mans length.  
"Please sirs to be getting rid of Mikki, Mikki will be doings anything sirs.' This phrase the headmaster heard.  
'Anything?' he asked, raising an eyebrow at the tiny creature in his lap.  
'Of course sirs!' Mikki responded, a glimmer of hope showing in his voice. 

'Just…' Dumbledore began, his voice heavy with arousal. 'Hold that.' He said positioning the elf's hands to cup his cloth-covered length  
'Yes Sir!' the elf replied happily, grabbing on to the headmaster growing erection, which, in turn, made Dumbledore groan with pleasure.  
'Now… just knead it, like you would with bread.' instructed Dumbledore.

'Yes Sir, Mikki is very good at kneading bread sirs!' the elf insisted setting to work.

Dumbledore discovered that the elf was very good at kneading bread. His tiny, experienced hands massaged the Headmasters hardening cock, making the older man, moan at the sensation, sending waves of pleasure throughout his body. God he had missed this! It had been 50 years since his beloved husband Gellert had been killed. But that was the past. This was now. This was such a sensation that made the elderly man began to thrust, meeting the elf's willing hands, cause more friction between the two.

With one final thrust Albus Dumbledore came, screaming out as waves of pleasure racked his body. He lay back not bothering to clean the mess beneath his robes. 

'Oh Mikki is sorry sirs, Mikki no mean to hurt youse.' Dumbledore laughed at the elf reaction.

'Oh, young one,' he began, pulling the elf onto his lap and stroking it behind the ears. 'You didn't hurt me at all.'

'But Mikki made sirs scream, Mikki no mean to. Please Headmaster sirs, please don't be send Mikki away.'

'Don't worry my little one, you're not going anywhere.'

Without delay Dumbledore pulled the creature up and kissed its little mouth.

'No,' He said, smiling fondly at the elf. 'You're for keeps.'

Fin

_Wow… I'm scared I wrote that…please R&R. _  
_  
LamaPie_


	3. The Dementor's Kiss by The Basscreator

_Harry/Dementor. Need I say more. Again, you have been warned. _

_The Basscreator_

**The Dementor's Kiss**

Harry woke with a start. For the fifth night in a row his scar was hurting. He got up and walked over to the window, tip-toeing over the mass of gay porn mags spilling out from underneath Rons four poster bed. He peered out into the black abyss that was the Hogwarts grounds at 3am in the morning. The only light came from a blink of white, every time something evil was repelled by the Aurors shield surrounding the school.

Suddenly a dementor appeared outside the window right in front of Harry. He stumbled backwards trying to reach for his wand, which was in his trousers at the end of his bed.

The dementor slid out his bony finger and opened the latch holding the two sides of the window closed. Harry made a desperate reach for his wand, but in the process he slipped on issue #17 of "Hard Anus" and fell hard on the floor, loosing his pants in the process.

With his PJ's down to his ankles and no wand to defend himself, harry closed his eyes.

Suddenly Harry shuddered. A deep cold sensation wrapped itself around Harry's member. He instantly was hard, and not like the 2 minute kind of hard like when he secretly wanked himself over Ginnys mouth while she was sleeping.

The combination of throbbing veins and intense cold made Harry blow his load right into the gaping decay that was the dementor's mouth. The dementor reeled back, coughing and spluttering.

"Swallow you bitch!" Harry panted. The dementor obeyed.

Silently the dementor glided over towards Harry and his exposed length. The dementor then proceeded to wipe the "happiness" away from Harry's member, and surrounding thigh area.

Harry let out a deep pre-pubescent moan as the dementor Sucked the Happiness from Harry's cucumber. Suddenly Harry went again! but this time he had more load to shoot. Happiness shot everywhere. All over the floor, a little bit on the ceiling, and a large amount into the dementor's decaying mouth again, this time there was so much that the dementor started to seep happiness from his rotten eye sockets.

Harry moaned again, the dementor continued to suck happiness from Harry's wand.

On and on. Happiness everywhere.

Finally in one big empty of load, Harry yelled at the top of his lungs, and the dementor popped, like and exploding can of Condensed Milk.

All the other members of the dorm woke to harry and his member laying on the floor next to Ron's collection of Gay Porn. They also recoiled at the sight of Harry's happiness all over the room.

Fin

_Wow......just wow. It had to happen. I scare myself. R&R please, and I apologize for soiling your craniums and raping your imagination. I guess "Happiness" will never be the same again. _

_The Basscreator_


	4. What a Farewell! By LamaPie

What a farewell! By LamaPie

_Hey all, I've had this on my laptop for a while now so might as well upload it. Sorry if there are any grammar/spelling issues, it is for the most part unedited. _

_Harry Potter / Cedric Diggory. This is slash! Hope you guys enjoy is, and remember, its just for laughs. _

Harry potter rub his bruised arm once again, feeling the scar that had be bleeding mere hours before. Another gift from the Dark Lord. Harry sighed, laying his arm back on the infirmary bed, which he had been occupying all evening. He felt at a loss, what was he meant to do now?

Cedric was dead.

He was alive.

The Dark Lord was back.

Harry could here the gut-wrenching cries of Amos Diggory who lent over his son's lifeless form.

'Amos my friend,' began Dumbledore in a comforting tone, raising his voice a little to be heard over the mans anguished sobs, 'lets get you out of here, I've had a room set up for you just down the hall.' Informed the headmaster, placing a hand on Amos back and leading his away from his son.

Harry lay still listening to the mans cries as he walked out the infirmary door and down the corridors, his voice echoing on the stone walls. After a time the sound died away, leaving nothing but Harry's own breathing to be heard.

Harry rolled onto his side, looking across the room to the sheet covering Cedric's body. Slowly, Harry began to sit up. He grabbed a hold of the white blanked and slowly pushing it of his own bruised body. He swung his legs around, until they were hovering above the floor. Slowly he pushed himself off the bed and on to the floor, his feet making little sounds as he laded on the cold stone. Cautiously he moved towards Cedric, biting his lower lip. When he was no-more than a foot away from the dead boys bed he lifted his hand and drew back the white sheet, revealing Cedric's lifeless form.

Peaceful, is the first word that came to mine. He looked peaceful.

_Hold on Harry… Take my body back, Harry. _

The memories of Cedric's ghost flashed through his mind.

'Where did you go?' Harry asked the lifeless body. 'After you, Mum and Dad saved me.' Harry sat waiting for an answer.

None came.

'Look, Cedric, I'm… really sorry about this…' He motioned towards Cedric's body. 'I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to stop him before he killed you. I'm sorry I made you take the trophy with me, I'm sorry I took the title of Hogwarts champion away from you and I'm sorry that I never told you I …' Harry stopped himself, a tear falling down his cheek, 'that doesn't matter, what matters is that your dead and I'm sorry, so very sorry Cedric.' he finished falling onto Cedric's body and sobbing.

Suddenly Harry heard a raspy breath from the body beneath him.

'Cedric!' Harry cried in surprise grabbing the boy by the shoulders, in hope. 'Cedric, wake up, it me, Harry!' The boy was working himself into a frenzy. Harry climbed onto of the cold, ridged corpse.

'WAKE UP' The Boy Who Lived screamed, slapping Cedric's face.

The body didn't move. Cedric's cold, unmoving, lifeless eyes stared back at Harry. It was then Harry noticed the hardness poking into his back.

'Wha… what is…' he muttered looking down behind him. There between Cedric's legs sat a very high standing 'tent'.

Harry blushed in embarrassment and looked away. He felt his own member swell at the thought. Harry had known for a while that he was gay, that was no shock for him. But becoming aroused by a corpse? Well that was new…

Harry tried to move off Cedric, the dead boy's cold hard length still pushing against him. To avoid that little…well not so little problem Harry moved forward. His plan however back fired as his own erection pushed into Cedric's stomach.

'Fuck…' Harry moan in a mix of pleasure and pain, his length pulsing hard, his need for satisfaction out weighing his logical side.

With a quick look around the room to make sure he was alone… as alone as once can be atop a corpse… Harry's hand slipped into his pants. He groaned as he pumped his length. He moved his hips, Cedric's erection digging into his back.

It wasn't long before Harry came, he shuddered, falling backwards off Cedric's body and onto the ground with a thud.

It was at that moment that Dumbledore walked in.

"Harry my boy? What ever are you doing on the ground?' asked the Headmaster.

'Nothing…' Harry mutter, picking himself up off the ground forcing his robed to fall inform of his stained pants and walking to the infirmary door. 'I'll… umm be going back to my dorm headmaster.' He said, leaving before the headmaster could reply.

With one last confused look at the door, Dumbledore turn to check on Cedric's body.

'Well my boy,' The Headmaster said, placing a hand over Cedric's eyes, closing them for the last time. 'This is good bye.'

'Yes.' Cedric's ghost whispered to no-one particular. 'But what a farewell.' And with a final smirk Cedric's ghost left its body and ascended for the last time.

_Hmm could have been SOO much worse . Please R&R. ^_^_


End file.
